Groundhog Day?

I went to the clinic this morning. For the third time in a row, someone struck up a conversation with me. This time, however, I had no interest in talking. For one thing, I was tired. Also, she was leaning into me and looking at what I was reading. I was actually a bit weirded out. Then, she started talking to me, telling me about how her kids (all 2 or 3 of them) were exhausting her. Okay, I know some of these women have a kid or two already, but does she NEED to tell me about them, when I can't even seem to have ONE kid, much less try for number 3 or 4? I was doing my best to be polite, but I wasn't engaging her and she just kept right on talking. What I wanted to say was, "Lady, I'm sorry but I've been through 2 IUIs, 1 ectopic pregnancy that resulted in one less fallopian tube and now I'm on IVF #3 with no kids and I have no sympathy for you so SHUT THE FUCK UP and think about what you are saying while you're sitting in a waiting room full of infertile women!!!"

And this was before I had my ultrasound and found out that my response is no better to this protocol than it was the last two times. It's not good. I've got 3 or 4 semi-decent follies around 13mm on day 10. That's it. The doc doing the monitoring was not optimistic and when said I was going to talk to my doc, he said, "Yes, that's a good idea. Call him tomorrow morning." Great, just great.

This is fucking deja vu. I'm in some bizarre time loop and I'm just going around and around. I'm so disgusted. I have no optimism at this point. I feel like we should just cancel and move on to adoption. I might as well be injecting myself with saliene solution. Hey, maybe I should try that...

The clinic called and they want me on the same doses as usual, back tomorrow for blood and ultrasound. Needless to say, I'll be calling my doc tomorrow. We'll probably have the same conversation we've had the last 2 times:

Me: This is not good.
Doc: Well, it's not great.
Me: Is this worth it?
Doc: I think so. It's hard to say, but I think you should keep going.
Me: Okay, what the hell, might as well go for it.
END RESULT: BFN

Or, he'll finally get real, stop worrying about his success rate, and tell me to give it up. Who knows? The whole thing is a big fat crap shoot.

I'm so tired. I'm so sick of nothing going right. Why can't I have some good luck for a change? I'm tired of being negative but it's hard not to be until something actually goes right for once.

Comments

[Brooklyn Girl]

Rude, rude, rude--that woman was so rude! And I'm sorry she invaded your space.

I hope the unexpected happens today.

[thalia]

Sounds like this is really a crappy experience for you, and just when you're coping, along comes that annoying woman to bother you. Tell her to get lost next time.